THE ARMED ROBBER WE HELPED

THE ARMED ROBBER WE HELPED

It was our final year class and one of our lecturers always liked to hold his lectures inside one of the classrooms inside the University Teaching Hospital. That day was no different but it turned out to be a spectacular day which changed my perception of how the system works forever.

We had almost ended the lectures and the Professor was doing more of a rehearsal after some students asked questions on grey areas where they needed to clear up. Our Professor was soft spoken and you had to pay apt attention to get to hear what he was saying and understand him. He was a gentleman to the core and by the way he always spoke about his wife when making examples one could deduce that he adored even the floor his wife stepped on.

It was while making one of those illustrations to elucidate his point that we heard the disturbing sounds. Initially, I had thought the sounds were coming from a damaged exhaust of a car. But when the next round of sounds started, it became obvious what we were hearing were gunshots.

It wasn’t the first time we were hearing gunshots during lectures. When we were freshmen, it was an almost weekly affair. I recall one night when we were reading, it was supposed to be one of our all night reading bouts which we used to call TDB because we read till day break when these group of cultists who were having their usual conflicts started shooting and everyone had to run away. On another occasion the cultists had been shooting during lectures and students started running helter-skelter, we heard one of the students got shut in the eye and later died (May her gentle soul rest in peace).

The frequency of gunshots became so much that students got used to it (this happens often). In an occasion when one lecturer was in class and was bullying some students (that was in my first year) some naughty students started arguing about how the man was a coward and if he continued his barrage, they would send him out of the class. What they did baffled me. When the class became silent, they threw banger outside the window (I guess those guys had planned the trick before that day). I can’t even describe the marvel on each student’s eye when the man jumped through the window and ran out of the class as quickly as his legs could carry him.

So on that fateful day, years later when we heard the gunshots, most of us who had gotten immune to the sound stayed put in our seats while some students ran outside the class. Immediately the gunshots ended, the excitement was so much that the lecturer had to adjourn the class to the following day while we all came out and discussed the subject.

It was while we were discussing that we saw a man limping, walk out of the bush towards us, he had a black trouser on and a tee shirt and had blood flowing from his legs. He had been shot. We immediately started an emergency care on him by tying up the region above the wound, he was told to sit and not move. I was more skeptical about how he came to be involved in the gunshot. We started to prod him with numerous questions.

He told us he was an innocent passerby, and that he did not know how the bullet got to enter his legs. While he was still responding to our prodding questions, some students who felt they were more empathetic to him immediately lifted him up to their shoulders and took him to the Accident and Emergency unit (they had to lift him up to reduce his mobility and hence blood loss).

However, they had barely returned after getting him admitted in the Accident and Emergency unit that a police patrol car met us in class and asked about the man who they had been chasing. When we told them some students had gotten him admitted, they immediately went there and got the man arrested. Now this got most of us worried and we decided to follow them to the hospital. We were more shocked when we realized we had actually helped an armed robber who had had a face – face gun battle with the Nigerian police.

When we got to the Police headquarters, we were surprised to discover that the “innocent, passer by” armed robber was actually a police man. He was bleeding profusely because the police officers who had been on his trail had barred the doctors from treating him and had taken him first to their office for interrogation.

It was there, because he had lost so much blood to the  point he looked anaemic that he started talking, he begged them to allow him to receive treatment first.

“I be one of una” he had said “ na Oga send me”

When he saw that his please were not yielding result, he resorted to blackmail.

“ Na oga send me” he began “Make una go ask Oga for upstair weda I dey lie” he begged them “ if una no treat me, I go talk, thank God say Press men dey here”

You can trust us to ensure there were pressmen. We had  close relationship with most of them and one of my classmates had called some media professionals.

One of the arresting Police Officers asked him  “so Oga know about your operation?”

“Yes” he replied “ abeg go ask am, if una no help me I go talk”

The police officer went upstairs and discussed with the “Oga” then he came back and shocked all of us. He walked straight to us and ordered us to remove all visible phones and electronic gadgets. Then he ordered the pressmen to go into a room where they were to be addressed by “His Big Oga” when they had left, he removed his pistol and shot the man at close range on his forehead. Then he blurted “You fool, you wan talk” and left.

We were shocked and did not wait for him to shout at us (which he did by the way) before we all scrambled off to our various houses. Too shocked to speak, we looked forward to seeing the news in the media the next day but there was a concerted media silence.

We couldn’t fathom who the “Oga” was that had sent the man and his other colleague (Who ran away). But one lesson was learnt that day. Each person living in Nigeria is directly responsible for his own security and that personal security should be taken seriously because to be honest no one cares.

We should take our security more seriously and be security conscious.

Thank You.

TOM WAS KILLED BY HIS COOK

TOM WAS KILLED BY HIS COOK

Just like every other day, Tom would wake before sunrise, get kitted and go out for a one hour exercise which usually included running, cycling, weight lifting and other aerobics, then he would return home, get dressed and all set for work before having his breakfast and dashing off to work. He did his routine exercises with military accuracy.

Tom had inherited his father’s company – an oil servicing firm after he returned from the United States, He was a Harvard University scholar and was indeed a genius. He brought in the best of ideas and the company had grown to become one of the best from the moment he returned. His dad had been very proud of him and after a while he had handed over the company to him and had retired from active involvement in the business.

Tom had it all going for him, and because of his busy schedule (or domestic laziness) he had to employ a retinue of house helps. He had a cook, a gate-man, a security man, and a cleaner who also did his laundry. he lived in a big house and had all he wanted. He was the definition of wealthy.

However, Tom was a brute, he was arrogant and a despot. He never entertained opposing opinions because he believed that he had the best opinion on any subject matter. It wasn’t about his attitude in his work place but the fact that he treated his domestic staff with disdain. On different occasions, he had poured hot tea on his cook for adding either too much sugar or too little milk. He had no knowledge about the personal lives of his staff and was not ignorant of the troubles they had to go through. He paid their salaries late and did not care about their welfare.

He had a good life until his health failed him. He was up as usual, but tried without success in getting out of bed. He could not move and found it difficult to speak. His personal physician was called in and he was whisked to the hospital where several medical laboratory tests were performed on him but no positive result was found.

Meanwhile back at home, immediately he was carried off in the hospital ambulance, his domestic staff thought he had died and decided to take their fate into their hands, they invaded his room, ransacked and remove all physical cash they could find in the house (which was a lot because Tom usually converted huge cash into US dollars and kept a large sum in his safe at home). When they were done with sharing their loot, they left the house and moved to their various places of residence, far away from the town.

Eventually when the toxicity report came in, it turned out that he had been poisoned… Tom later died after suffering from grueling pains.

Incidentally, Tom’s story can be applied to most of us. I have watched with dismay, how senior executives treat the cleaners in their offices with disdain, or in most cases without respect. Most of us see those who we perceive are below our social status or below us in the wrung of life as if they were inferior creatures and not humans.

We should realize that it is these people who appear to be unimportant that are the most important in the life of any organization. I was in a bank one day and saw how one of the cleaners were shouted down at as though she were a second class human being. What got me interested was that after  she had been abused and tongue lashed, she was later sent to buy food by the same person who had called her names!

It is said that the strongest part of a chain is its weakest link. They may appear unimportant, but your comfort was made possible because they had to do their job.

Let us consciously begin to see them as our fellow humans and appreciate that we were privileged to acquire the education we had which put us on the pedestal we were able to achieve because of the sacrifice of other people at a time we had no control over how they would act and whether they would be ready to make the sacrifice for us.

Let us appreciate the work of these people and always treat them with respect.

Thank You.

THE CANNIBALS FROM UGEP

THE CANNIBALS FROM UGEP

I went to sit out at The Parliament today, we call Jude’s place that name because almost on daily basis people converge there to discuss several issues about our immediate society, the nation and the world in general. I had hardly sat down when I was asked by one of the persons there.

“ have you heard the latest?”

“No” I responded. “ what happened recently?” I had not been to The Parliament for more than a week so I believed I had missed out on the latest information.

“hmmmmm” began Tom, “ it happened last week o” I knew he needed a little nudge to delve into the full cover story he had in mind for me, so I gave him the nudge he needed.

“So this my uncle’s son who is a military man went for NYSC, he was posted to Kogi state. While there he fell in love with a girl from Ugep, in Cross River State”

“ I know Ugep” I interjected, “ It is the largest village in Africa” I declared from my perceived knowledge of geography and current affairs. I had more to say about Ugep, but my friend was more enthusiastic about his story so I allowed him hold the floor while adjusting myself for the latest story.

“So, after NYSC , his dad wanted him to get married. His dad is a military man, very wealthy and he had only one son, that was why he wanted him to get married immediately after his NYSC. Now, my uncle’s son had taken his girlfriend home and my uncle had loved the girl so after NYSC, the boy decided to go and meet the girl’s parents in Ugep so as to tell them his intentions to marry the girl. He went and was well entertained by his would-be in-laws. When it got dark,  his in-law told him he is not allowed to sleep in their house until they have become in-laws so he would take him to his friend’s place where he would sleep. You can’t imagine where he took him to. The man did not return till the wee hours of the morning. His daughter started asking where he was and after much effort she got to her dad’s friend’s house and saw them eating as if there was a celebration the night before. When she started asking questions, she discovered they had killed her fiancé and had eaten him.

 You know Ugep people are cannibals right?”

I was flabbergasted.

“Ikwo people also eat human beings” another person at the Parliament interjected.

“Anambra men are ritualists” another person who I guess is either from Ikwo or from Ugep blurted angrily.

“Edo people are prostitutes, Calabar people are sex addicts,  Akwa Ibom people are wicked…”  “Akwacross people are only good to be cooks, gatemen and drivers” the list is endless.

We need to stop stereotyping people.

The truth is that it does no good for humanity to have a prejudiced view about people from other ethnic groups than ours. At the end of the day, when I started asking pertinent questions about the fictitious story I was told, it turned out that the story about a man being eaten up was a mere figment of the imagination of an individual. I have heard on several cases that if a person’s vehicle breaks down in Ugep and he sleeps over, under the cover of darkness, that person would be killed and eaten. The stories have been so vivid that one would believe it is true.

However, as an individual, I have visited the place and have passed several nights there on different occasions and I am still alive. People have said several things about people of other ethnic groups but when you get to meet the people from that region, you get to realize that they are totally different from the preconceived notions.

Let us come back and realize that we are all humans first. People are people. People have their different idiosyncrasies and may act out based on their beliefs. It would be wiser to give people equal chances and place them on the same pedestal. What is the difference between us today who because of our prejudice against people of a particular ethnic group, we treat them with disdain and Adolf Hitler who killed millions of Jews just because he believed the Germans should be the greatest race on earth and that the Jews were holding them back from achieving their dreams?

I read about a study recently which found a genetic link between people that spans across different continents. This means as an individual, you have ancestors who are from Russia, Iraq, America, Brazil, Netherlands and many more. Now, if there is such a link across continents, how much more will there be link among people from the same country?

Let us drop our tribal sentiments and embrace people from who they are. Let us drop racism and judge each individual by the content of their character and not by virtue of their ancestry. We did not choose where we came from and we are not more important than the person from the other side of town.

Whether we like it or not, we are one. We can overcome any challenge when we come together, we need each other and no person is more important than the other. Let us drop our sentiments and see people from other ethnic groups as we see ourselves.

Let us please drop the ethnic bias, prejudice and sentiments and judge people based on the contents of their character.

Thank You.

IF YOU JUST PASSED OUT

IF YOU JUST PASSED OUT

Permit me to give you a brief history about salaries. During the Roman Empire, there was a need to have a strong military force and as such while other kingdoms used soldiers for the sake of patriotism, the Romans opted to give their soldiers an incentive to keep them at war hence at the end of each war, the soldiers were given stipends to buy salt and add to their food when they returned to their families (Recall that salt was just discovered at that time). So they kept the money and used it to buy salt to spice up their food. It is mainly for this reason that salaries are never enough for the earners, because it was never meant to be enough.

This implies that anyone who depends on salary to survive would need to work for a pretty long time to garner enough bags of salt.

It’s another day again when I get sad. I was moody all through the day and I couldn’t place where my depressed emotional state was coming from till I got out and saw the reality. The second stream of Batch B Corps members who had been serving their nation for the past year will terminate today and they would be pushed to the wider world.

For some years now, I have been following the statistics of the nation on different sectors and the rate of unemployment in the country vis-à-vis the annual manpower output from the corps members who pass out yearly is grossly lopsided. It makes me wonder why the scheme is still in place.

The truth is that the government literally has it’s hands tied at the moment as per provision of resources and jobs for the teeming population of corps members who pass out almost on quarterly basis. With the complete removal of subsidy, it became official that the government of the day is providing virtually nothing for the people, and all that anyone who lives in Nigeria needs to make his or herself comfortable must be well planned and provided by the person in need. With that, it becomes glaring that the government has nothing in store for the Nigerian youth who has just completed his or her National youth Service.

But people are growing every day and achieving financial freedom. There are some things that distinguishes the successful people from the mediocre, chief among them is the mindset of that person with respect to the times and seasons.

If you just passed out of NYSC today or you know a friend or relative who just did, please don’t advice the person to depend on government for a job. The times have changed. What each person needs to do is to think of a need to solve, a business to start.

Now, I have looked around all the civil servants I know (and those I don’t know) and none of them achieved financial freedom and success from earning salaries (Many of them actually had to steal to become what they are, those who are honest belong to the middle class).

Don’t start life by depending on the salt money; there is a bigger vista for you. I write this with the mindset that many corps members would start up big businesses. The truth is that if Aliko Dangote had been dependent on salaries, he wouldn’t have been listed today by Forbes as the richest man in Africa. That means to achieve financial freedom, we need to do more than depending on the Government for stipends.

When we were kids we used to have very big dreams, but life has a way of stifling it from us. I would rather have us going back to those days and bring back those dreams to realities. This does not preclude that fact that some people have peculiar dreams of what they want to be and they need to be salary earners to achieve that dream.

I look forward to seeing a new generation of people with progressive and entrepreneurial mindset. I am headed for the top and I hope to see you at the top.

Thank You.

YOU ARE THE WEAKER VESSEL NOT HER

YOU ARE THE WEAKER VESSEL NOT HER

If you are a male and you just read the title of this post and raised your eyebrow, then this is just the right stuff you should be reading now. But if after seeing the topic, you hissed and went all macho in your thoughts with this overinflated sense of importance… I would advise that you stop reading against the backdrop of the saying …”IGNORANCE IS BLISS.” However, if you shrugged your shoulders and asked “what is this dude about to write this time?” then please by all means read on and I hope you find it interesting.

I have observed with awe the magnitude of strength that women wield and I’m constantly fascinated by the energy that is compressed in this skillfully and carefully made enigma called THE WOMAN. I am not just writing this from the standpoint of my mother and only sister (God bless their souls for all the lessons I have learnt from them and give them long life) but from all the women I have come to observe with rapt attention.

Truth be told, the woman is a wonder. Her ability to multitask is simply out of this universe and the grace with which she brings in our future generations to this world is one aspect that even embryologists (those geeks who decided to make it their life ambition to study about how a foetus is formed up to childbirth and have given us most of the knowledge we have in that area) are baffled.

Permit me to digress a little. I am awed with the way a woman will nurture a tiny drop of semen for nine months and in the long run will give to the man a fully developed miniature human. Now, whenever I think of this phenomenon, it is against the backdrop of the capacity which women possess to multiply anything that is given to them. I would not like to bore you with the theory of multiplier effect; I believe our physicists have that to worry about. Whatever you give to her, she has the ability to multiply and give to you in a greater measure. Give a woman a little love and watch her as she would shower you more love than you can handle.

Now, there lies the problem because if you give her trouble, she would also multiply it in a more greater measure and return it back to you, then when she begins to manifest the fruits of what you deposited in her, you will be the first to start running from one friend to another or from one beer parlour to another to complain. (I can imagine some dudes reading this piece and wincing and in their minds they are begging me to stop and to keep “the guys code”…. Hehehe anyways, I’m not about to break the code today… but I just want to pass a message).

I remember when I underwent a surgical procedure some years ago, when the effects of the local anesthesia that was used on me  waned, I felt so much pains that cannot be described. That experience taught me a lesson because much later, when I began to imagine about the pains of childbirth, I asked a lady who had done the same surgery I had done and who was a mother if labour pains was comparable to that of the surgery, I was shocked when she said they were incomparable and that labour pains was more.

I wonder why women are viewed as the weaker vessels, I wonder why they have been relegated to the place of second fiddle in our climes, but I make bold to claim that such perception is alien to the African man. This is because the African history is littered with many female heroines just as male heroes, this is against the backdrop of western history which appropriates the place of the heroes as male dominant arena where very few if any female dare to thread.

Let me digress a little. It is true that men don’t cry because by our biological make up, even when we do cry, we hardly shed tears (I believe that is where that saying came from though I can’t say for sure now). But the truth is that it is the men who can hardly contain pain, both physical and emotional pain in this context. (Enhe, they will start agitating now).

Besides containing pain, men, by virtue of their biological makeup find it difficult to multitask. By this this I mean the ability to be breast feeding a baby while cooking, and simultaneously ensuring that the immediate elder baby is not being naughty while responding to a question from the first child and at that same instant, she is watching the news (Or her favourite soap opera like Telemundo or Zee world or one of those their emotional movies) and to cap it all, she is chatting on her phone on both whatsapp and BBM while talking on the phone with her mother and ensuring that she also does not ignore her husband. ( Does this scenario sound like I’m exaggerating? Then I believe you have not met a woman). And as a matter of fact, she would accomplish all these tasks seamlessly.

Before you say I am out to rant. Ask yourself why it so happens that when a woman loses her husband to the cold hands of death, in 95% of cases, she would not remarry, but would remain a widow for the rest of her life. Now, compare this with the men who in 99% of cases will run and remarry, in some cases even less than one year after the demise of his wife. Yes, it is true that he needs a woman to take care of the kids, or to take care of him, but isn’t that an indictment?

I hope I didn’t touch a nerve with that, (again, this is a write up which is very open for a debate), however, I sit to write today after observing with dismay, how masculine chauvinists throw around the over bloated sense of importance of the males when indeed, it is the woman who should be celebrated.

Now, while writing this piece, something comes to mind which I believe males would start talking (or thinking) about, with the mindset of correcting in as soon an possible. Really guys, please, can you tell me why this phenomenon has been a recurrent episode… why do men talk too much??? (let me pause here before I get attacked by a mob).

  I write today to extol the virtues of the woman, to appeal to my fellow men to treat HER with respect, to see her as a very strong being (Trust me if a woman wants to kill you, you are dead on arrival), to treasure her and above all to see her as a worthy ally who can be dependent on through the good and bad. The truth of the matter is that when the male and female is placed on an equal pedestal with respect to their strengths and weaknesses, the man is indeed the weaker vessel, not the woman.

If we get this fact straight, I believe it would go a long way to save a great deal of trouble many relationships suffer today. So guys, before you slay me, please set aside your argument, pick up your thinking cap and think over all you have read because in all honesty, my desire is to help you make your relationship better. I want the best for you.

Thank you.

DONT BE LIKE SIMON

DON’T BE LIKE SIMON

Simon has been an amiable person. With ‘the guys’ he can go through great lengths to fulfill the dream of his friends. On several occasions, Simon would set aside his needs so he can fulfill the needs of all of us, his friends and acquaintances (I hope Simon would not crucify me for writing about him today, but I will write anyway, so as you read on, say a little prayer for me that Simon does not decide to break a bottle on my head when he sees me after this post).

When we were still undergraduates, Simon had five thousand Naira and he wanted to buy a book (One of those big and costly medical books that are usually expensive) which cost about eight thousand Naira at the time, but while we were deliberating on where he’d buy the book, a friend (whose name I wouldn’t like to mention so I can face Simon’s problem alone afterwards) came in with a request, he had informed his parents about the urgent need to buy a book which cost about three thousand Naira at the time but they had not sent the money and our friend was just informed they would be writing a quiz the following day, his classmates had borrowed the book he was reading so he had an urgent need to buy one, and he was on a deadline. Simon didn’t give it a thought before he gave our friend the three thousand Naira to solve his own need while he postponed his own need (He had to borrow the one he read that night). That was how humane Simon could be towards his friends.

It wasn’t long after graduation before Simon got a job and was progressing. But Simon had no relationship. He found it difficult to make and keep one. Simon was much older than all of us and his parents starting putting him pressure to get married from the moment he entered three hundred level. When asked, Simon complained that women are difficult. He would quickly make excuses about how he lost his relationships to married men or to other boys.

I remember calling Simon up on the issue and I asked him how it came about that he consistently lost his relationships to other people. I wouldn’t have been bothered if he had not been a jolly good fellow, but with his amiable character I found it difficult to comprehend why a man who was approaching 45 years still remained unmarried, worst still with the excuse that he had lost the ones he managed to get to other “more deserving” men as he called them.

You See, Character refers to positive traits, behaviors and attributes that are desirable according to the Oxford Advanced Learners dictionary. Character defines the way we relate with each other and more so the value we place on other humans. A person is defined as possessing a sterling character when his mannerism, actions, how he speaks and how he relates with people are highly desirable.

Simon had a sterling character with his friends but he was an extremely difficult person with the ladies he dated, moreso, he was difficult to please. There are numerous people like my friend who are extremely good to “outsiders” but can hardly tolerate the shortcomings of those that live with them. When I had “The Talk” with Simon, I pointed out to him the maxim “Charity Begins at home”

There is a difference between being meticulous and a control freak and understanding that other people are human beings who may not necessarily measure up to the standards you have set or those which you may hope to achieve.

Being in a relationship entails that you have seen the other person in his or her totality and have decided that you have what it takes to tolerate the shortcomings of that persons. When I was much younger, I used to think that I was perfect. I grew up with that mentality because I had a parent who believed in instilling a high sense of confidence in his wards. Growing up, even when I did stuff which I thought within me were wrong, he would ask me my reason for doing what I did first and when I offered a justifiable reason, he would start to admonish me by first instilling confidence in me with the kind words “Uchenna, I knew you had a reason for doing this and I guess, you were right in your own thinking…. But you know another way you could have done this?...” then he would go on to give me other ways by which I would have taken a different course of action as well as the different possible outcomes for each pathway I would have chosen.

What I intend to point out with the above example is that when we see other people as humans and see the reason for doing whatsoever they may have done, you would hardly judge them. We tend to see ourselves as being perfect and as such we have this sense of importance that can make us to go the extra mile for an acquaintance but can hardly tolerate another person whom we may feel is below us. I make this statement because on having “The Talk” with Simon, I realized the dude sees females as “The weaker vessels” people who are only good for the kitchen and the “other room” worst still, he perceived them as “vessels” who are useful for childbirth and nothing more.

Unfortunately, many masochistic males view our darling female folks in the same light as Simon… as “Weaker vessels” or as “vessels for childbirth” or as “pleasure toys” or as “cooks” and that is a really serious problem which this post will attempt to address.

To build a strong and desirable character will ensure that no man loses his heart throb to another man and as such begin to complain that women are evil, cheats and wicked (I am not holding brief for them in that regard by this post, I am only addressing the issue from the standpoint of the complainants). The principle is to ensure that you do ALL that you have agreed to do, that you treat her with respect, that you see her as an equal (even though in the true sense of the word, women are stronger than men and should be highly respected). She is meant to be at your side and not below you. It is true that the man is the “head” of the home as the society will want to define it but most of my married friends have come to the consensus that the woman is indeed the head of the home (I will delve into this matter in the near future).

Let us build a strong character, whether our biological organs have identified us as males or females, I dare to say that to ensure a better, smoother relationship where nobody feels inferior to each other and to ensure a better relationship with our spouse each person in a relationship must consider his or herself as the weaker vessel.

Truly, at the end of this write up, I have this feeling as if I had been blabbing all through, perhaps I have passed a message as I intended to. I really don’t care if Simon will break my head after reading this but I will still give you a piece of advice. Please, whatever you do, don’t be like Simon.

Thank you.

DON’T KILL THAT SPARK OF LOVE

DON’T KILL THAT SPARK OF LOVE

It started like every normal day until I received an SOS call from my bosom friend. He was a mental and emotional wreck when I arrived. I had hardly entered the room when I noticed everything was not right. The sitting room was in a state that appeared as if two elephants had used it as a wrestling ring, and the “other room” I can’t even describe the state it was on. The mattress was torn in pieces, the TV that used to hang on the wall was shaking from the wire that was firmly attached to the wall, it had been smashed to pieces and on first thought I felt armed robbers had invaded his apartment. I was scared.

“what happened” I asked “ have you called the police?” where is your wife?”

I was in a state of bewilderment when he told me it was his wife and he who had fought and damaged the house to the state it was in and she had packed her stuff and left. She had been asking for a divorce but he had repeatedly decided not to oblige her with it. Until that day.

I sat down and remembered how he had ran into my room and was describing the love of his life to me.

“It had started as every other day and I had been going about my normal duties when I met her.” He had begun with excitement immediately he saw me. “ First, I was captivated by her radiance and childish laughter. When she turned and our eyes met, she gave me a smile which melted my heart instantly. I was fixated and fascinated simultaneously. I tried to move but, my knees could not carry me. I wanted to tell her how I felt but I could not. I had to sit for a while to let my knees recover from the chemical paralysis that resulted from the emotional outburst. When I sat, I looked at her and met her gaze. Her charming look appeared as though she was gazing into my soul and at that instance, I knew I was locked into an emotional journey. But I could not tell her how I felt because I was scared she would not have the same feelings I had.”

 I tried to pause him so I could get the story straight but he couldn’t keep quiet. I had to wait patiently till he poured out his mind and when he was done I smiled and told him I was happy for him. Two weeks later, he could not stop talking about his dream girl who I later got to as Agatha.

“Falling in love is an experience everybody should have.” He had begun again on that day, “ I would find myself wide awake in the middle of the night with thoughts of her, I wanted the best for her, I hoped she’d rise high and attain so much. I planned to take her to so many places on earth. I would have this heavenly fantasy about her. I saw us going to different planets… infact, I once had a fantasy where I was in what could best be described as heaven with her. I knew from that experience that she was the one meant for me. I couldn’t help but talk about her everywhere and with everyone I knew, but I could not tell her, indeed I lacked the courage to express myself to her. I hoped she could have the power of telepathy.”

At that moment, I knew my friend was madly in love with Agatha. I encouraged him to open up to her and to my pleasant surprise, she had actually felt the same way he had. It wasn’t long before they had hit it off and started dating.

My friend had his dream girl and I was there when he proposed to her. His wedding was the talk of the town and he kept everyone talking about them. He would take her out to the garden and show public display of affection. Infact, on this fateful day, they were in a public display of affection when a police patrol van pulled over and got them arrested. I learnt the hard way that day that in the constitution of Nigeria, (or is it the Nigerian police?) exhibiting public display of affection is a criminal offence.

So you can imagine my surprise when I went into his apartment and saw the state of their affairs. I was even bewildered by his next statement.

“Uchenna,” he began “I want a divorce”

You could imagine how shocked I was. I used to see him as my role model and I had planned to model my relationship the way he handled his.

“what are you talking about?” I asked, perplexed.

“I’m tired of pretending, I don’t love her anymore. I want out.” He said firmly.

Eventually, their relationship had deteriorated a long time ago but they had been trying with futility to hide the fact that they were no more in love with each other. Most times, they would fight and still go to an occasion together just to keep up their image.

Relationships are bliss, but they can be the worst nightmare anyone can have. My friend’s love story gone sour has been experienced by many married couples and accounts for the high rate of divorce cases in the country at present.

Falling out of love is a gradual process which begins with taking each other for granted. When couples meet newly, they are both excited and look forward to spending more time with each other, they have high hopes and expectations from their partners  but gradually, the façade begins to fall off and they both realize they are humans and that is where it begins, people start taking each other for granted.

Being in a relationship means one must be committed to making it work. At every point in time, each partner should aspire for the best of their spouse. A little thought about how to put a smile in the face of a beloved is all that is required to make a happy relationship.

Couples tend to take each other for granted after getting to know each other. The mistake of pushing a spouse to the background, or making other things (or other people) a priority is the first step for losing the relationship. Beyond taking people for granted, couples should strive to make out time for each other on a daily basis.

Let me cast a scenario for you. It is possible to live in the same room with a person and gradually lose touch with that same person. When a couple starts living together after marriage, the closeness can be either a good thing to strengthen their bond, or it could make them begin to drift apart. They wake up in the morning and prepare to leave the house for their various occupations then they return in the evening, have their dinner, and go to bed, the cycle continues till they begin to observe that they have not been expressing themselves to each other. Soon they find it difficult to speak with each other, the little crack becomes a big hole that might result into a gully. Couples stop complementing each other and within a few months, they start seeking attention outside their relationship.

Communication is the greatest asset a relationship can possess and any couple who lack it should endeavor to bring it into their relationship. Many people have misunderstandings because they find it difficult to open up to each other. Couples should always be open to each other to ensure that their relationship remains evergreen.

The spark of love that begins when a person meets his or her spouse and at that instance, people are wont to hide their real selves, or should I say, they don’t really express who they really are, until they have gone a distance in the relationship and then they begin to see the “other side” of their spouse and reality begins to set in. it is important to note that it would be better if people stop expecting too much from their spouse and start seeing them from the onset as humans who have their various shortcomings. Almost every relationship that have stood the test of time are those in which both couples tend to exhibit a high sense of maturity and they see their spouse as fellow humans rather than those who see their spouses as superhumans and as such expect too much from them and when that is not forthcoming, they become disappointed and as such begin to seek for the missing link outside their relationship.

I would rather not have another relationship fade away into a state where divorce would be an option, let us endeavor to nurture the spark that begins when we first met our spouse and ensure that the fire is kept alive and not let it quench. Whatever happens, please, don’t kill that spark of love.

Thank You.

DISGUISE

DISGUISE

On the day of the first instance

When my eyes beheld your grandeur

That by a strange happenstance

I saw the spire of my desire

Which in the eyes of my obvious stance

Will satisfy the goal of my aspire

Then you say to me “Shalom”

You becloud my sagacious spirit

With the bait of euphoric spire

And blind me with your salve

To your sacramental – sacrilegious slag

That I cannot resist your sally

So I surrender to your charming siren

Then you say to me “Shalom”

You come to me with your charm

And by sleight of hand imprison my stance

That as a singleton your sisal binds

Yet with skirmish silence I submit

You make a simpleton sire your sublime

With nothing save yourself to mind

Then you say to me “Shalom”

On the day of the first instance

With the bait of euphoric spire

You come to me with your charm

Yet with skirmish silence I observe

And see the guile beneath the charm

And when you say to me “Shalom”

I unfold the mask beneath the guise.

                                                            UGAH UCHENNA

                                                            29/04/2011

KILL THAT CRAVE

KILL THAT CRAVE

I became friends with Joy when I was frequenting the hospital. Joy was an amiable nurse and she can best be described as a nurse’s nurse. Her relationship with her patients was out of this world and that was the most beautiful thing about her. She was like a lamb among wolves.

We live in a community where nurses are not caring, doctors relate with their patients in impersonal manner and the central focus appears to be the financial proceeds of their professional expertise. You can appreciate why the little few who stick tenaciously to the core practice of their various professions distinguish themselves.

On one of my visits to see Joy, I was frustrated with the mannerisms with which a doctor treated a patient so I had to take it up with him. And in his defense, he replied that many patients escape from the hospital and do not fulfill their obligation of paying the hospital bill and because the system was not designed to be a charitable organization, they had to look to their financial interest to ensure sustainability. Sustainability of the healthcare services at the detriment of the human lives they were meant to preserve, protect and serve. I was depressed. I wouldn’t even delve into the numerous lives that have been lost as a result of negligence.

Well, on this fateful day, I decided to pay amiable nurse Joy a visit. We had become friends and I was always looking forward to visiting her in the hospital and watching her from a distance as she treated and nursed her patients back to health.

Nurse Joy was soft spoken and made it a duty to know the names of all her patients. She had an uncanny way of relating with each patient as if they had known all their lives. On that day, I had waited for close to 30 minutes before she concluded with her last patient and came to meet me. But we were not done with exchanging pleasantries when a patient was rushed in. she was pregnant and she was in a critical condition.

Her husband kept running helter-skelter in a frantic effort to ensure that his wife received the necessary urgent medical attention she desperately required. In a quick succession, Nurse Joy started the initial resuscitation exercise. After doing all she could, she wheeled the patient into the theatre and all we could do was to wait for the outcome of the medical procedure.

It took over three hours before they were done and had her wheeled back to the ward.

She had lost her pregnancy.

I cannot describe the pains the couple passed through. The silence between them was so strong you could literally touch the tension in the air, and Nurse Joy was not just devastated, she was an emotional wreck.

“I told her” she lamented “I warned her” she kept lamenting. “she killed the poor baby” she muttered.

It happened that it was their first pregnancy and the cravings were uncontrollable. She attended Antenatal clinic with Viju Milk, doughnut and meatpie, eggroll, chips, spring rolls amongst others. Not up to an hour after masticating them, she called her husband and demanded for shawarma, ice cream and soda. At the end of the first antenatal clinic, she had consumed so many junks that could feed an entire classroom.

You see, the constituents and process of producing most of these junks make them to acquire mutagens, most of which are teratogenic (meaning that they have the ability to cause tumors in a foetus) hence they can result in congenital malformations (don’t mind the big medical jargon, it simply implies that the foetus will not be formed well and so would be damaged) and can lead to spontaneous abortion. This may present as miscarriage during early pregnancies but when the foetus has gotten to an advanced developmental stage, the result might be what happened to the pregnant lady.

Please, no matter how much you crave these sweeties, they should be avoided during pregnancy as much as possible. As a matter of fact, the period of pregnancy is the period that women should feed mostly on natural foods for the health of the baby.

I would not want to see another soul pass through the harrowing experience of the couple I met in that hospital as much as I would rather not see Nurse Joy in such an emotional state anymore. We can with effective will power overcome the crave that may arise when we anticipate and plan for it ahead of time (did I say we? I hope I would not be tongue lashed for this).

I would love nothing more than to see you in good and perfect health. Remember to keep off those sweeties that have the potential to destroy our unborn generation.

Thank you.