DONT BE LIKE SIMON

DON’T BE LIKE SIMON

Simon has been an amiable person. With ‘the guys’ he can go through great lengths to fulfill the dream of his friends. On several occasions, Simon would set aside his needs so he can fulfill the needs of all of us, his friends and acquaintances (I hope Simon would not crucify me for writing about him today, but I will write anyway, so as you read on, say a little prayer for me that Simon does not decide to break a bottle on my head when he sees me after this post).

When we were still undergraduates, Simon had five thousand Naira and he wanted to buy a book (One of those big and costly medical books that are usually expensive) which cost about eight thousand Naira at the time, but while we were deliberating on where he’d buy the book, a friend (whose name I wouldn’t like to mention so I can face Simon’s problem alone afterwards) came in with a request, he had informed his parents about the urgent need to buy a book which cost about three thousand Naira at the time but they had not sent the money and our friend was just informed they would be writing a quiz the following day, his classmates had borrowed the book he was reading so he had an urgent need to buy one, and he was on a deadline. Simon didn’t give it a thought before he gave our friend the three thousand Naira to solve his own need while he postponed his own need (He had to borrow the one he read that night). That was how humane Simon could be towards his friends.

It wasn’t long after graduation before Simon got a job and was progressing. But Simon had no relationship. He found it difficult to make and keep one. Simon was much older than all of us and his parents starting putting him pressure to get married from the moment he entered three hundred level. When asked, Simon complained that women are difficult. He would quickly make excuses about how he lost his relationships to married men or to other boys.

I remember calling Simon up on the issue and I asked him how it came about that he consistently lost his relationships to other people. I wouldn’t have been bothered if he had not been a jolly good fellow, but with his amiable character I found it difficult to comprehend why a man who was approaching 45 years still remained unmarried, worst still with the excuse that he had lost the ones he managed to get to other “more deserving” men as he called them.

You See, Character refers to positive traits, behaviors and attributes that are desirable according to the Oxford Advanced Learners dictionary. Character defines the way we relate with each other and more so the value we place on other humans. A person is defined as possessing a sterling character when his mannerism, actions, how he speaks and how he relates with people are highly desirable.

Simon had a sterling character with his friends but he was an extremely difficult person with the ladies he dated, moreso, he was difficult to please. There are numerous people like my friend who are extremely good to “outsiders” but can hardly tolerate the shortcomings of those that live with them. When I had “The Talk” with Simon, I pointed out to him the maxim “Charity Begins at home”

There is a difference between being meticulous and a control freak and understanding that other people are human beings who may not necessarily measure up to the standards you have set or those which you may hope to achieve.

Being in a relationship entails that you have seen the other person in his or her totality and have decided that you have what it takes to tolerate the shortcomings of that persons. When I was much younger, I used to think that I was perfect. I grew up with that mentality because I had a parent who believed in instilling a high sense of confidence in his wards. Growing up, even when I did stuff which I thought within me were wrong, he would ask me my reason for doing what I did first and when I offered a justifiable reason, he would start to admonish me by first instilling confidence in me with the kind words “Uchenna, I knew you had a reason for doing this and I guess, you were right in your own thinking…. But you know another way you could have done this?...” then he would go on to give me other ways by which I would have taken a different course of action as well as the different possible outcomes for each pathway I would have chosen.

What I intend to point out with the above example is that when we see other people as humans and see the reason for doing whatsoever they may have done, you would hardly judge them. We tend to see ourselves as being perfect and as such we have this sense of importance that can make us to go the extra mile for an acquaintance but can hardly tolerate another person whom we may feel is below us. I make this statement because on having “The Talk” with Simon, I realized the dude sees females as “The weaker vessels” people who are only good for the kitchen and the “other room” worst still, he perceived them as “vessels” who are useful for childbirth and nothing more.

Unfortunately, many masochistic males view our darling female folks in the same light as Simon… as “Weaker vessels” or as “vessels for childbirth” or as “pleasure toys” or as “cooks” and that is a really serious problem which this post will attempt to address.

To build a strong and desirable character will ensure that no man loses his heart throb to another man and as such begin to complain that women are evil, cheats and wicked (I am not holding brief for them in that regard by this post, I am only addressing the issue from the standpoint of the complainants). The principle is to ensure that you do ALL that you have agreed to do, that you treat her with respect, that you see her as an equal (even though in the true sense of the word, women are stronger than men and should be highly respected). She is meant to be at your side and not below you. It is true that the man is the “head” of the home as the society will want to define it but most of my married friends have come to the consensus that the woman is indeed the head of the home (I will delve into this matter in the near future).

Let us build a strong character, whether our biological organs have identified us as males or females, I dare to say that to ensure a better, smoother relationship where nobody feels inferior to each other and to ensure a better relationship with our spouse each person in a relationship must consider his or herself as the weaker vessel.

Truly, at the end of this write up, I have this feeling as if I had been blabbing all through, perhaps I have passed a message as I intended to. I really don’t care if Simon will break my head after reading this but I will still give you a piece of advice. Please, whatever you do, don’t be like Simon.

Thank you.