DON’T KILL THAT SPARK OF LOVE

DON’T KILL THAT SPARK OF LOVE

It started like every normal day until I received an SOS call from my bosom friend. He was a mental and emotional wreck when I arrived. I had hardly entered the room when I noticed everything was not right. The sitting room was in a state that appeared as if two elephants had used it as a wrestling ring, and the “other room” I can’t even describe the state it was on. The mattress was torn in pieces, the TV that used to hang on the wall was shaking from the wire that was firmly attached to the wall, it had been smashed to pieces and on first thought I felt armed robbers had invaded his apartment. I was scared.

“what happened” I asked “ have you called the police?” where is your wife?”

I was in a state of bewilderment when he told me it was his wife and he who had fought and damaged the house to the state it was in and she had packed her stuff and left. She had been asking for a divorce but he had repeatedly decided not to oblige her with it. Until that day.

I sat down and remembered how he had ran into my room and was describing the love of his life to me.

“It had started as every other day and I had been going about my normal duties when I met her.” He had begun with excitement immediately he saw me. “ First, I was captivated by her radiance and childish laughter. When she turned and our eyes met, she gave me a smile which melted my heart instantly. I was fixated and fascinated simultaneously. I tried to move but, my knees could not carry me. I wanted to tell her how I felt but I could not. I had to sit for a while to let my knees recover from the chemical paralysis that resulted from the emotional outburst. When I sat, I looked at her and met her gaze. Her charming look appeared as though she was gazing into my soul and at that instance, I knew I was locked into an emotional journey. But I could not tell her how I felt because I was scared she would not have the same feelings I had.”

 I tried to pause him so I could get the story straight but he couldn’t keep quiet. I had to wait patiently till he poured out his mind and when he was done I smiled and told him I was happy for him. Two weeks later, he could not stop talking about his dream girl who I later got to as Agatha.

“Falling in love is an experience everybody should have.” He had begun again on that day, “ I would find myself wide awake in the middle of the night with thoughts of her, I wanted the best for her, I hoped she’d rise high and attain so much. I planned to take her to so many places on earth. I would have this heavenly fantasy about her. I saw us going to different planets… infact, I once had a fantasy where I was in what could best be described as heaven with her. I knew from that experience that she was the one meant for me. I couldn’t help but talk about her everywhere and with everyone I knew, but I could not tell her, indeed I lacked the courage to express myself to her. I hoped she could have the power of telepathy.”

At that moment, I knew my friend was madly in love with Agatha. I encouraged him to open up to her and to my pleasant surprise, she had actually felt the same way he had. It wasn’t long before they had hit it off and started dating.

My friend had his dream girl and I was there when he proposed to her. His wedding was the talk of the town and he kept everyone talking about them. He would take her out to the garden and show public display of affection. Infact, on this fateful day, they were in a public display of affection when a police patrol van pulled over and got them arrested. I learnt the hard way that day that in the constitution of Nigeria, (or is it the Nigerian police?) exhibiting public display of affection is a criminal offence.

So you can imagine my surprise when I went into his apartment and saw the state of their affairs. I was even bewildered by his next statement.

“Uchenna,” he began “I want a divorce”

You could imagine how shocked I was. I used to see him as my role model and I had planned to model my relationship the way he handled his.

“what are you talking about?” I asked, perplexed.

“I’m tired of pretending, I don’t love her anymore. I want out.” He said firmly.

Eventually, their relationship had deteriorated a long time ago but they had been trying with futility to hide the fact that they were no more in love with each other. Most times, they would fight and still go to an occasion together just to keep up their image.

Relationships are bliss, but they can be the worst nightmare anyone can have. My friend’s love story gone sour has been experienced by many married couples and accounts for the high rate of divorce cases in the country at present.

Falling out of love is a gradual process which begins with taking each other for granted. When couples meet newly, they are both excited and look forward to spending more time with each other, they have high hopes and expectations from their partners  but gradually, the façade begins to fall off and they both realize they are humans and that is where it begins, people start taking each other for granted.

Being in a relationship means one must be committed to making it work. At every point in time, each partner should aspire for the best of their spouse. A little thought about how to put a smile in the face of a beloved is all that is required to make a happy relationship.

Couples tend to take each other for granted after getting to know each other. The mistake of pushing a spouse to the background, or making other things (or other people) a priority is the first step for losing the relationship. Beyond taking people for granted, couples should strive to make out time for each other on a daily basis.

Let me cast a scenario for you. It is possible to live in the same room with a person and gradually lose touch with that same person. When a couple starts living together after marriage, the closeness can be either a good thing to strengthen their bond, or it could make them begin to drift apart. They wake up in the morning and prepare to leave the house for their various occupations then they return in the evening, have their dinner, and go to bed, the cycle continues till they begin to observe that they have not been expressing themselves to each other. Soon they find it difficult to speak with each other, the little crack becomes a big hole that might result into a gully. Couples stop complementing each other and within a few months, they start seeking attention outside their relationship.

Communication is the greatest asset a relationship can possess and any couple who lack it should endeavor to bring it into their relationship. Many people have misunderstandings because they find it difficult to open up to each other. Couples should always be open to each other to ensure that their relationship remains evergreen.

The spark of love that begins when a person meets his or her spouse and at that instance, people are wont to hide their real selves, or should I say, they don’t really express who they really are, until they have gone a distance in the relationship and then they begin to see the “other side” of their spouse and reality begins to set in. it is important to note that it would be better if people stop expecting too much from their spouse and start seeing them from the onset as humans who have their various shortcomings. Almost every relationship that have stood the test of time are those in which both couples tend to exhibit a high sense of maturity and they see their spouse as fellow humans rather than those who see their spouses as superhumans and as such expect too much from them and when that is not forthcoming, they become disappointed and as such begin to seek for the missing link outside their relationship.

I would rather not have another relationship fade away into a state where divorce would be an option, let us endeavor to nurture the spark that begins when we first met our spouse and ensure that the fire is kept alive and not let it quench. Whatever happens, please, don’t kill that spark of love.

Thank You.